You used to be so expressive as a child. You loved to dance, to draw, I was impressed by how many expressions a mere child was able to show. I look at you now, but you’re not even a shadow of the past you. It’s like you’re trying to not be here at all, like you want to be invisible so bad. It’s so obvious, when you’re as expressionless as you are now, but you’ve become so good at acting, that almost nobody notices it. On the inside, all you care about, is how people might look at you, how people think about you, and it’s the only thing that fills your mind. You wear dark clothes to not draw any attention to yourself. You have your headphones on all the time in order to silence, what you think might be directed at you. You’re wasting so much energy on developing avoidance strategies. How to avoid talking to someone. How to avoid answering your phone. How to avoid having to ask if the book you need is available. When you walk all you do is stare at the ground in order to avoid seeing how people look at you. You are literally more afraid of making mistakes than anything else, because all you’ve learned as a child was having to be perfect at something the first time you do it, and not being allowed to let out your feelings. You’re afraid everybody is going to laugh at you and to make fun of you if you, only for one second, drop your mask and stop trying to be perfect, and this is where your nightmares come from, but you are allowed to fail, you don’t have to be perfect all the time, you are allowed to show your feelings, and you are good the way you are. Girl, you’re enough.
My aunt today (via paralian-s)
Reblogged from naerong
/ Source: paralian-s
Wednesday
